In the interest of getting a job at some point in my life, I won't detail my full trip to Amsterdam. Amsterdam is a truly beautiful city. The beautiful buildings compliment the pristine canals like the neon lights compliment the shiny thongs of the hookers. No, but really the architecture is nothing short of gorgeous. I always wonder if Europeans come to America and say "Wow, the buildings are so beautiful here!". Then it dawns on me. No, they don't.
It was lots of fun to just walk through the city and see all the sites. I took a canal tour, of which I was fully awake for 0 whole minutes. We went to the Torture Museum. I could make a terrible torture pun, or I could just tell you that it was the shittiest museum I've ever been to. Poor lighting and paintings that were clearly done by 1st graders on drugs. I'd like my 7.50 back please. Outside of that, we really didn't do all that much in Amsterdam, but just looking was fairly enjoyable.
The Red Light District is...interesting. There are poor young ladies who can't afford clothes standing in windows. And guys go in and they close the curtains. Weird. But seriously, I knew it was disgusting, but I didn't realize it was that disgusting. Talk about shameless, people go in in front of everyone! This one goofy looking dude with a 6 to 1 forehead to rest of head ratio went in and came out a short while later to his friends cheering him on. Really setting the bar low on thing that deserve a cheer.
My flight back to Copenhagen departed at 9 in the morning on Sunday. I decided I would just stay out late and go straight to the airport instead of booking a hostel. In related news, I'm an idiot. I ended up spending 9 hours in a completely empty airport. Luckily, I'm really good at sleeping in uncomfortable spots, so it wasn't that big a deal.
-There was a lot of America hate in Amsterdam. My friends and I were flat out refused service at a restaurant. I've heard pretty frequently "Americans are ignorant and stupid". This is of course, hilariously ironic, because taking 350 million people from a country known for it's diversity, lumping them together, and saying "they are ALL ignorant and stupid" is nothing short of ignorant and stupid. If I were to say "everyone from country x is dumb", that's racist, discriminatory, stereotyping, etc. If I were to say "everyone from America is stupid", that's just true? Yay double standards. And that's my rant.
-A few weeks ago I saw a fight between two teenage girls. It was awesome. That's pretty much all I can say on that matter while staying in the realm of appropriateness.
-I just got without a doubt the worst haircut in my entire life. That's saying something after the debacle that was my hair from 2002-2004. But anyways, it looked just fine until the hair cutter asked if I wanted it thinned. I said yes, the worst decision of my day. Apparently thinned translates to "absolutely massacred" in Swedish, and so the horror began. My lovely (and blind) stylist pulled out a pair of "thinning scissors" which are cleverly disguised as those scissors you use in kindergarten to cut fun patterns into construction paper. Great fun with paper, not quite as pretty with hair. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss you Great Clips. You'd think after 8 years of awful haircuts, I'd learn my lesson and not go to the cheapest place possible. But nooooooo. Oh ya, and my hair is vaguely mullety.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Entourage
I know what you're probably thinking. Are you really writing about Entourage? Hell yes I am. Now shut up. I was going to write about recent Sweden experiences, but I decided to write about something more important. The season finale was the craziest thing of my entire life. Yes, my life has been that tame. If you're planning on watching this episode but haven't yet, stop reading now.
So the episode starts out with Drama worrying over baby bro Vince not returning home. An ominous start indeed. This all comes after the crew found about a pound worth of cocaine in Vince's kitchen. That's enough to kill an elephant. Or keep Paris Hilton high for an hour. But I digress.
Next we see Ari, fresh off his most intense and socially egregious outburst, stressing at his son's baseball game. Vince was supposed to make a celebrity appearance, but apparently failed to show. The entire Gold family is pissed at Ari for Vince's lack of appearance. Misses Ari (seriously does she have a name? She's always referred to as "Ari's wife" or baby. I think they just forgot to give her a name, and decided it was too late when they realized their mistake) is especially pissed, as the night before Ari caused that big scene at the restaurant. They curse each other out like usual, except this time it's not funny. That's a bad omen.
Next, Turtle's doing something with his tequila company, blah blah blah, some celebrities, something else. Who care's.
Back to Vince. Next we see him at Sasha's....movie shoot. Great part of the episode to watch with the blinds open. Anyways, Vince is high and drunk and not looking so good. He freaks out at Sasha and she tells him to leave. This is the first point in the episode where you can really tell something bad is gonna happen. And, since Entourage is such an important part of my (and anyone who's cool) life, this is the point where I really started to freak out. Over a TV show. I'm so cool.
More Turtle. Still don't care. Seriously, stop it with Turtle already. He's not funny or interesting. Less Turtle more Lloyd.
K, skipping the worst parts and on to the crazy stuff. Vince comes home in a brand new Bentley. How he drove home safely, I have no idea. I love Entourage, but they don't do the best job at discouraging drunk driving. Anyways, exciting stuff. The crew attempts to give Vince an intervention. Surprisingly, they fail. Then Vince goes to a hotel, does some coke and drinks...something. He's a wreck.
Ari's surprise party for his wife is going about as well as you would expect a surprise party for someone who basically hates you to go. She doesn't show, then calls him to tell him she's leaving him temporarily. A very tender moment for the harsh Ari Gold. It's different than what we normally see from Ari. Which sucks, cause Ari is normally the funniest character on the show.
Now Vince is at Eminem's party (conveniently one floor above him), spitting the poorest game at some fine young ladies, and giving off that general "I'm high on everything" vibe. Vince hits on the wrong girl and says some terrible things, prompting the bouncers to throw him out. But Vince is having none of it, and against the will of the bouncer, Eminem, and newly arriving Drama, he calls Eminem out. Shortly after, he gets absolutely pummeled with Drama exchanging a few blows but ultimately being unable to do anything.
So Vince goes to the hospital, where he is greeted by the Entourage, plus Sasha and that raging douchebag who works with E, Scott. Vince still blames them for all his problems, saying that they pissed him off and caused him to go down the path he went. You think the episode is over, but....no! Turns out the police found a bag of white powder on Vince. And then the episode/season/my life ends.
Thoughts on the episode:
-It's embarrassing how into this episode I got. More embarrassing how my mood is affected by the status of Vince's career. I'd fit in nicely with the 14 year old girl crowd.
-I don't get why people like Eminem. If I was white, didn't have a growth spurt, and couldn't rap (wait, I can't!), could I be rich and famous too? Eminem really showed (a lack of) range tonight with his lovely acting. Eminem is to pop culture as fat ladies are to water parks. No matter where you look, they're there. And it'd be a better place without them.
-Sloane's 432 year old father asked Eric to sign a prenup. Whenever I hear that word, I think of that Kanye. Which sucks. I wish Kanye didn't exist. First he did his Taylor Swift thing. Not cool. Then he ran over someones puppy, put the car in reverse, ran it over again, then went forward again and sped off. Most of that is true, especially the part where Kanye is a bad person. Anyways, I dunno how much more Sloane/Eric I can take. There's a reason they had to keep casting hotter actresses to play Eric's love interest: no one cares.
-I have to wait like 10 months for the next episode. This is the longest cliffhanger ever.
-I just wrote roughly 1000 words about a TV show. I need a hobby.
So the episode starts out with Drama worrying over baby bro Vince not returning home. An ominous start indeed. This all comes after the crew found about a pound worth of cocaine in Vince's kitchen. That's enough to kill an elephant. Or keep Paris Hilton high for an hour. But I digress.
Next we see Ari, fresh off his most intense and socially egregious outburst, stressing at his son's baseball game. Vince was supposed to make a celebrity appearance, but apparently failed to show. The entire Gold family is pissed at Ari for Vince's lack of appearance. Misses Ari (seriously does she have a name? She's always referred to as "Ari's wife" or baby. I think they just forgot to give her a name, and decided it was too late when they realized their mistake) is especially pissed, as the night before Ari caused that big scene at the restaurant. They curse each other out like usual, except this time it's not funny. That's a bad omen.
Next, Turtle's doing something with his tequila company, blah blah blah, some celebrities, something else. Who care's.
Back to Vince. Next we see him at Sasha's....movie shoot. Great part of the episode to watch with the blinds open. Anyways, Vince is high and drunk and not looking so good. He freaks out at Sasha and she tells him to leave. This is the first point in the episode where you can really tell something bad is gonna happen. And, since Entourage is such an important part of my (and anyone who's cool) life, this is the point where I really started to freak out. Over a TV show. I'm so cool.
More Turtle. Still don't care. Seriously, stop it with Turtle already. He's not funny or interesting. Less Turtle more Lloyd.
K, skipping the worst parts and on to the crazy stuff. Vince comes home in a brand new Bentley. How he drove home safely, I have no idea. I love Entourage, but they don't do the best job at discouraging drunk driving. Anyways, exciting stuff. The crew attempts to give Vince an intervention. Surprisingly, they fail. Then Vince goes to a hotel, does some coke and drinks...something. He's a wreck.
Ari's surprise party for his wife is going about as well as you would expect a surprise party for someone who basically hates you to go. She doesn't show, then calls him to tell him she's leaving him temporarily. A very tender moment for the harsh Ari Gold. It's different than what we normally see from Ari. Which sucks, cause Ari is normally the funniest character on the show.
Now Vince is at Eminem's party (conveniently one floor above him), spitting the poorest game at some fine young ladies, and giving off that general "I'm high on everything" vibe. Vince hits on the wrong girl and says some terrible things, prompting the bouncers to throw him out. But Vince is having none of it, and against the will of the bouncer, Eminem, and newly arriving Drama, he calls Eminem out. Shortly after, he gets absolutely pummeled with Drama exchanging a few blows but ultimately being unable to do anything.
So Vince goes to the hospital, where he is greeted by the Entourage, plus Sasha and that raging douchebag who works with E, Scott. Vince still blames them for all his problems, saying that they pissed him off and caused him to go down the path he went. You think the episode is over, but....no! Turns out the police found a bag of white powder on Vince. And then the episode/season/my life ends.
Thoughts on the episode:
-It's embarrassing how into this episode I got. More embarrassing how my mood is affected by the status of Vince's career. I'd fit in nicely with the 14 year old girl crowd.
-I don't get why people like Eminem. If I was white, didn't have a growth spurt, and couldn't rap (wait, I can't!), could I be rich and famous too? Eminem really showed (a lack of) range tonight with his lovely acting. Eminem is to pop culture as fat ladies are to water parks. No matter where you look, they're there. And it'd be a better place without them.
-Sloane's 432 year old father asked Eric to sign a prenup. Whenever I hear that word, I think of that Kanye. Which sucks. I wish Kanye didn't exist. First he did his Taylor Swift thing. Not cool. Then he ran over someones puppy, put the car in reverse, ran it over again, then went forward again and sped off. Most of that is true, especially the part where Kanye is a bad person. Anyways, I dunno how much more Sloane/Eric I can take. There's a reason they had to keep casting hotter actresses to play Eric's love interest: no one cares.
-I have to wait like 10 months for the next episode. This is the longest cliffhanger ever.
-I just wrote roughly 1000 words about a TV show. I need a hobby.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Buses, babies, bugs, and baseball
One of the things I heard about Europe before my departure was how convenient and efficient the public transportation system is. And it's true, it's easy and quick to get around. But today, for the second time in as many weeks, a baby crapped its pants on the bus I was on. The most (only) amusing part of the whole incident was watching the mother squirm with discomfort. At first, she tried to pretend that it wasn't her baby that did it. It was a nice effort, but there were a total of 5 people on the bus, and one of them was wearing a diaper. You're not fooling anyone, lady. Anyways, my thoughts on the matter, in chronological order:
- It smells like Tijuana
- Crapping your pants was only the second worst thing that baby did today. The worst was wearing that Yankees hat. (Seriously, why do so many people wear Yankees hats here. I guess that's what it must be like with Americans' ManU love to people in England).
- I ride the bus about twice a day. In the fourteen (or less) times I've been on the bus in the last two weeks, someone on board has had an accident twice. That's staggeringly frequent.
- People always complain about babies on airplanes. Can you imagine if this happened 30,000 feet in the air?
- I think I'm gonna swim back to California
- That baby has no shame.
- I need to get off this bus. Being stuck here is like being stuck at an Alanis Morissette concert.
- I'm finally here! Of course, the mother and baby get off the bus right in front of me.
When I found out I got Sweden for my study abroad choice instead of New Zealand, I was slightly relieved, as I'm a huge insect phobe. I was mistaken to feel relieved. There's only one thing that drinks more than Swedes, and that thing is the mosquito. I wake up each morning with at least 3 new bites, usually on my ankles. By the end of the semester I won't be able to walk.
I was really excited to find out they have baseball teams here. I was slightly less excited to hear that they don't have pitchers or catchers in Swedish baseball. Apparently you just throw the ball up and hit it. Baseball without pitchers and catchers is sorta like hockey without fighting. Like Michael Vick without dogs. Abe Lincoln without the getting assassinatedness. Or Paris Hilton in general. It's boring. It's like men's softball. I guess I'm slightly biased because of my lack of shoulder/ability to swing a bat, but they should really think about getting some pitchers.
- It smells like Tijuana
- Crapping your pants was only the second worst thing that baby did today. The worst was wearing that Yankees hat. (Seriously, why do so many people wear Yankees hats here. I guess that's what it must be like with Americans' ManU love to people in England).
- I ride the bus about twice a day. In the fourteen (or less) times I've been on the bus in the last two weeks, someone on board has had an accident twice. That's staggeringly frequent.
- People always complain about babies on airplanes. Can you imagine if this happened 30,000 feet in the air?
- I think I'm gonna swim back to California
- That baby has no shame.
- I need to get off this bus. Being stuck here is like being stuck at an Alanis Morissette concert.
- I'm finally here! Of course, the mother and baby get off the bus right in front of me.
When I found out I got Sweden for my study abroad choice instead of New Zealand, I was slightly relieved, as I'm a huge insect phobe. I was mistaken to feel relieved. There's only one thing that drinks more than Swedes, and that thing is the mosquito. I wake up each morning with at least 3 new bites, usually on my ankles. By the end of the semester I won't be able to walk.
I was really excited to find out they have baseball teams here. I was slightly less excited to hear that they don't have pitchers or catchers in Swedish baseball. Apparently you just throw the ball up and hit it. Baseball without pitchers and catchers is sorta like hockey without fighting. Like Michael Vick without dogs. Abe Lincoln without the getting assassinatedness. Or Paris Hilton in general. It's boring. It's like men's softball. I guess I'm slightly biased because of my lack of shoulder/ability to swing a bat, but they should really think about getting some pitchers.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
More Sweden
Things that have yet to be discovered in Sweden:
-Parallel Parking (and possibly reverse): When cars park here, they go head first and then straighten out roughly 17 times.
-Deodorant: People compensate by spraying entire bottles of body spray. Except of course on their armpits.
-The phrase "excuse me" (and manners): Instead of saying excuse me, you shove your right forearm into the back of whoever you need to move. It's very effective.
Outside of the lack of those three things, I'm starting to really love Sweden. It's been nice and sunny recently, and I've had lots to keep me busy. More to come.
-Parallel Parking (and possibly reverse): When cars park here, they go head first and then straighten out roughly 17 times.
-Deodorant: People compensate by spraying entire bottles of body spray. Except of course on their armpits.
-The phrase "excuse me" (and manners): Instead of saying excuse me, you shove your right forearm into the back of whoever you need to move. It's very effective.
Outside of the lack of those three things, I'm starting to really love Sweden. It's been nice and sunny recently, and I've had lots to keep me busy. More to come.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sweden!
Just some thoughts on my first week in Sweden.
-I haven't showered without flooding my bathroom. The shower curtain hangs roughly a foot off the ground and the shower is really just a shower head with a drain in the middle of the floor. I felt stupid wiping the entire bathroom the first time I showered, but slightly less stupid after finding out that all my friends nearby had the same problem. I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if my bathroom was designed by an alcoholic, but taking showers that turn into baths makes me feel like an idiot.
-Speaking of feeling like an idiot, nothing makes me feel dumber than shopping here. Today I tried to buy some crackers. I ended up with cookies. Normally this would be a good thing, but these cookies had no sugar. They sorta tasted like crackers. Except terrible.
-The question everyone asks is are the Swedish girls really as hot as everyone says. No, they're not. They're hotter. It's unreal. Still no word on how to talk to them.
- I didn't realize how diverse the population of international students would be. Yes, I am aware how stupid that sounds. But everyone I know who has studied abroad in other countries was with mainly American students. I've only met a few that are American so far. It's definitely adding to the experience.
-I haven't showered without flooding my bathroom. The shower curtain hangs roughly a foot off the ground and the shower is really just a shower head with a drain in the middle of the floor. I felt stupid wiping the entire bathroom the first time I showered, but slightly less stupid after finding out that all my friends nearby had the same problem. I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if my bathroom was designed by an alcoholic, but taking showers that turn into baths makes me feel like an idiot.
-Speaking of feeling like an idiot, nothing makes me feel dumber than shopping here. Today I tried to buy some crackers. I ended up with cookies. Normally this would be a good thing, but these cookies had no sugar. They sorta tasted like crackers. Except terrible.
-The question everyone asks is are the Swedish girls really as hot as everyone says. No, they're not. They're hotter. It's unreal. Still no word on how to talk to them.
- I didn't realize how diverse the population of international students would be. Yes, I am aware how stupid that sounds. But everyone I know who has studied abroad in other countries was with mainly American students. I've only met a few that are American so far. It's definitely adding to the experience.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Beginnings
On Monday, my day of travel to Sweden finally arrived. I left my house at 11 AM for my 2 PM flight to Chicago. Leaving was a rush of emotions, but after two panic attacks, one minor scene in the airport, and a lot of meds, I was on my way to Chicago. Normally I hate flying, but with so much occupying my mind the first flight seemed to breeze by. Unfortunately, my flight was delayed decreasing my time in between flights. After arriving in Chicago, I had to sprint to my next flight. You know that guy who boards the plane 10 minutes late, dripping in sweat, who you hope to god doesn't sit next to you? Well that was me. My flight departed and after two viewings of Valentines Day, I finally fell asleep. About an hour later I woke up, touching butts with the guy next to me. He woke up as well. Turns out the only thing more uncomfortable than that is waking up face to face. Which happened an hour later. The highlight of the flight was definitely the old man sitting two rows in front of me getting lost. He got up to go the bathroom on the dark plane and then returned to his seat. Or at least tried to. I watched him walk down the wrong aisle looking for his seat, then into business class, down the wrong aisle again, and finally into his seat.
Finally I arrived in Copenhagen. From there I took a train to Lund where I was greeted by student helpers and fellow international students. It was a long day of getting signed up for everything and settled in my room, but I was so excited to be in Sweden I managed to make it through the day.
Finally I arrived in Copenhagen. From there I took a train to Lund where I was greeted by student helpers and fellow international students. It was a long day of getting signed up for everything and settled in my room, but I was so excited to be in Sweden I managed to make it through the day.
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